All I have to say is

Thank you sweet baby jesus

Visa Woes

Well, the stress is on folks. I have five business days for my work visa to come through. Despite having sent my signed contract over night (because I forgot to sign the first one!), somehow the Indian Consulate didn't receive it either at all or they accidently were given the unsigned copy. So, I am still awaiting my visa approval. I can't believe that I could have flown to San Francisco and had it in my hand in one day yet I used the recommended mailing method and still do not have it, 13 business days later. Grr! I am being so patient but it would be a huge stress relief if it was in my hands!

Otherwise, I  have moved out of my apartment. Everything is in storage and my two bags are packed. Well, that's a little inaccurate. One bag is with me in Missouri right now the other is sitting at my parents' house. Here's my schedule up to the day I leave:

Tomorrow is my Aunt's radical nephrectomy
I help her recover until Friday
Fly home Friday evening
Help prepare for my sister's wedding Saturday
Sunday Erin and Dan get married at the lake
Monday I fly to India
Somewhere in there my visa needs to arrive!

Stressed to the max folks! 

It takes an ocean not to break...

Life changes so ridiculously fast and I am finding it really hard for me to keep up with anything right now! On Tuesday I went and got dinner at yummy Native Foods with a friend and then we went and took advantage of a Border's Bookstore that was going out of business.

I came home to my life as it has been, packing and getting ready for work Wednesday and Thursday. Ryan came home that night and in under a hour my world was flipped upside down. The man I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with told me that he didn't see that in his future for us anymore and that, essentially, was it. I love Ryan more than I can express (and more than he probably realizes) and right now I'm trying to adjust to the reality that he has removed himself from my life. I have been extremely thankful for my family and friends these past two days because I feel like I am mourning. I can fully admit that I was not a perfect, fantasy woman but the truth is, who is? I don't know, I was blindsided and my head is still reeling. I honestly thought I would come home from work yesterday to him in our apartment, and realize that it was all some huge mistake. Instead I came home to find that while I was working, he had removed every single item of his from our apartment (besides the mattress so I guess I should be thankful that I am not being forced to sleep on the couch). It is real, and I am sure he feels free in a way. I am hurt more than I ever thought was possible, but I am trying to cling to any positive thoughts I can have. 

I am now gearing myself to move across the ocean, half way around the world, with my life open to a fresh blank chapter. I hope India can write a beautiful story on my heart because when I come back to America my life will not be what it was even 2 days ago. One week from today is my last day working at my hospital, in the PICU that has raised me in my nursing career. I am leaving the apartment, the home I made with my boyfriend (my boyfriend that is no longer mine). I am selling my car, over half of my clothes and jamming all I can in a 10x15 storage space. If there was ever a time to give up control, this is it. My goals are to cry less, pack more and work on believing in myself and my life purpose. 

I go back to my favorite quote of Mahatma Gandhi's "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." Never have I felt more compelled to lose myself completely.